Confused, alone, or drained in your relationships? Are you putting the needs of others before your own? Are you changing yourself (like a chameleon) in order to feel accepted and appreciated? Are you often or always overruled? Do you feel like you have nothing left to give?
How you feel about yourself affects all your relationships. If you have a negative view of yourself (“How could you let that happen? How could you be so stupid?”), each day is a battlefield. Some of the ways people cope with that inner conflict are familiar: abuse of alcohol or drugs, overeating, sex.
But not everyone has those vices. Some people seek to fill that void inside through their relationships with other people. They reach out to other people to seek completeness. In those situations, the other person becomes your main focus. You modify your behaviors and subjugate your needs to keep the relationship going at any cost. This is relationship-dependence, or codependency. Codependent people are magnets for arrogant and narcissistic personalities, who tend to dictate other people’s behavior. The ensuing relationships can stumble along for a long time, requiring huge amounts of effort and energy to keep up until they finally fall apart. When they do, the relationship-dependent person is left feeling vulnerable, betrayed, and abandoned (biggest fear) - which can, in turn, lead to depression or the familiar vices.
The only way to escape that cycle is to repair your relationship with yourself.
Fortunately, there are many therapy approaches available to people seeking to recover their sense of true self.
My approach is a way INTO thinking instead of a way OUT of thinking. And there is a lot to think about around how and why we can relate to others in more healthy ways.
I try not to be prescriptive. Self-help books and 12 step recovery plans already do that. My goal is to support your individual journey, and all the complexities that it encompasses.
Healing from Codependency
In the process of healing, I will guide you to:
A primary issue is to develop your self-esteem that is based on your own thoughts and feelings, rather than on the approval of others. The goal is to acquire an internalized positive sense of self that includes being able to identify what you want and need, and then acting on your own behalf to fulfill these needs.
INCREASE AWARENESS OF THE IMPACT DEPENDENCY HAS ON YOU
You will benefit from being taught what a healthy relationship is and from learning skills to establish and maintain these relationships. Changes might occur in unwanted results in your relationships. You will have my complete support through these difficult times.
LET GO OF THE NEED TO CONTROL
It is important for codependents to learn to give up certain types of control. For example, you will need to learn the difference between having control over your own life and trying to control others’ lives. Codependents frequently attempt to control others by acting as “rescuers” and “fixers.” You need to realize that these attempts at control heighten the level of stress in relationships and often serve to alienate others.
Manage Toxic Shame
Codependents typically perceive themselves to be inherently flawed or inadequate. You will benefit from learning the difference between shame and guilt. You will learn how to recognize and interrupt feelings of toxic shame. You will benefit from developing a problem-focused perspective as opposed to a self-blame perspective.
HEAL YOUR INNER CHILD
“Inner child” is also known as the “child within,” the “real self,” or “true self’. The inner child refers to the part of the individual that is energetic and creative, the person one really is on the inside. When the true self is not nurtured or allowed free expression, a codependent, false self emerges. It is really important to heal and nurture your inner child and grieve the earlier experiences that may have inhibited the development of a healthy inner child.
INCREASE YOUR PERSONAL POWER
You may benefit from focus on increasing your personal power by learning to understand the importance of changing the social and political institutions that created the problem.
SEE YOUR DESIRE FOR CONNECTEDNESS AS REAL STRENGTH
Your self-concept may be strengthened as your reframe your desire for connectedness as being a strength rather than a sign of immaturity or pathology.
CHANGE RELATIONAL PATTERNS
You will benefit from changing the dynamics and relationship dysfunction that contribute to codependency.
Psychotherapy is always available by SECURE VIDEO anywhere in the world. Also in person, location permitting.
CODEPENDENCY CAN BE HEALED
Therapy for Relationship Dependency can help you change how you think, feel and behave using psychological, biological and social theories and research. Research shows that changing one’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors improves quality of life. I believe that consulting with a psychotherapist, to explore our thoughts and feelings, should be as normal as getting help for a medical problem.
I focus on the key component in therapy - therapeutic relationship (alliance) between you and me. It is the means by which me and you engage with each other, and effect beneficial change that works for you.
In addition to the traditional modalities commonly used in therapy (talk therapy, CBT, DBT, somatic inquiry and mindfulness), I am also trained in the newest modality of BrainSpotting.
I was trained and practiced in the US and Canada.
I am a REGISTERED PSYCHOTHERAPIST-Qualifying, as recognized by the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario (CRPO), a Certified Professional Coach (CPC) as recognized by the International Coach Federation (ICF) and a Master Energy Leadership Practitioner (ELI-MP).
My experiences also include corporate level involvement in technology companies, information resources and health care delivery in USA and Canada.